A fourth interview.

Professor Garyhaus?
Yes, hello, thank you so much for finally agreeing to meet with me.

To be perfectly honest, I very nearly didn't come today. You've got a reputation as a terrible interviewee.
I know, but I really don't know why.

The British Association of Interviewers have blacklisted you. I could get in a lot of trouble for even being here.
Then why did you come?

There you go again, asking questions, I was told you'd do this.
So sorry.

I ASK THE QUESTIONS.
Please don't go.

QUESTION ONE. WHY HAVE YOU MADE KARL POPPER EVIL?
I don't know. I thought it was funny. I now see I was wrong.

LOOK AT HIM. 

He looks lovely.

I think the British Society for the History of Science might have something to say about this.
I'm actually a member of that society . . .

Oh dear.
Oh dear?

You're in more trouble than you realise.
But matters related to Karl Popper are policed by the British Society for the Philosophy of Science. I'm not in any way affiliated with them.

You don't think the BSHS and BSPS might be in cahoots?
Oh god.

That's right.
My livelihood!

You'll never practice history of science in this country again.
But I have no other skills! What will I do?

Write puppet shows?
But I HATE puppets! I'm only doing this to pay back my debt to the constable.

Who's the constable?
I don't know, it's a Punch and Judy reference. I think. I've never even seen a Punch and Judy show! The others told me.

Who are the others?
I can't say!

Why are you crying?
I don't want to do this anymore.

Please, pull yourself together! This is the last interview you'll ever do!
Good! I don't want to do interviews anymore! I hate interviewers! You're all so mean!

Professor Garyhaus?
Yes?

I'm going to go now. But I want you to know one thing before I leave.
What?

That was an excellent interview.

Karl Popper.

“There is no history of mankind, there are only many histories of all kinds of aspects of human life. And one of these is the history of political power. This is elevated into the history of the world.”

A third interview.

Good afternoon.
Yes, hello.

I understand you're quite wary of journalists.
Yes, I've had many problems in the past. However, you appear to have excellent credentials.

Yes I do.
It is my understanding that you are a well respected reporter for a prestigious Brighton publication?

That is correct.
And you refuse to tell me the name of this publication?

That is also correct.
And you will only communicate with me via "thought waves" sent directly into my brain?

Yes, for obvious reasons.
Well, this all seems above board. Shall we begin?

With all due respect, Mr Garyhaus, don't tell me how to do my job. I will let you know when it's time to begin.
Oh, sorry.

Let's begin. Could you tell me what exactly this puppet show is about?
Right, yes, well it's sort of set in a fictional land during an unspecified time period . . .

Clever - so you can't be accused of historical inaccuracies?
Exactly. And also so that we can feature historical figures and scientific ideas that weren't around at the same time.

Why don't you give me some examples of these figures and ideas?
We have the Austrian philosopher of science, Karl Popper. There's also Isaac Newton. Some relativists. Zeno of Elea. Aristotelian theories of motion. Bloodletting. All sorts of things.

Excellent. So you might say you've got it all?
Yes I suppose I might.

I will quote you on that. Now I don't think you actually answered my initial question - what is the show about?
Well you interrupted me.

What?
You asked another question, while I was still answering.

This interview is over.
Oh.

Introducing the characters.

I've been thinking about my performance in the below interview, and I've started to suspect that, while I performed adequately, my interviewer was rather unprofessional, and as a result you really learn very little about the play itself. Since the interview, he's refused to tell me what publication he works for, or whether he himself even exists. This is all very worrying, as you can imagine. I've decided to put the whole experience behind me, hold my head up high, and prepare for a second interview, whenever that may be.

In the meantime, in order to give you some information about the play which my terrible interviewer was unable  to coax out of me, I shall briefly introduce you to all of the characters featuring in 'I Have Never Cared for Sunsets' (in order of appearance).

Man One: A fine fellow. Although, in retrospect, apparently not fine enough to be designated a name. Anyway, I feel he sort of holds the whole thing together.

Man Two: He's there so that Man One has somebody to talk to.

Ruler George: One of many rulers of the fictional land in which our characters reside. This guy read Plato once, but I'm not sure he understood it.

The Doctor: Likes moustaches. Doesn't like wearing trousers. The only Doctor in town, so of some use, as you can imagine.

Mr Rudolph: A gentleman of leisure, prone to substance abuse (particularly when the substance in question is a big fat leech).

Mr Smith: Physics teacher, just trying to keep up with everything. Tricky business, this physics.

Isaac Newton: Precocious child, thinks he knows more about physics than his teachers!

Jimmy: Friend of Isaac's. Not much more than that. Quite good at star jumps, also.

Tennis Player: He's ever so good at tennis.

Colin: The second of our leaders. A free-spirited man of peace, believes that all ideas are equal and should be treated accordingly.

Zeno: Holder of some sort of paradox that has led him to stop believing in motion. I suspect he hasn't really thought this through. Has a bow and arrow, and isn't afraid to use it.

Karl Popper: Austrian philosopher of science. Strongly believes in empirical falsification. But, as usual, takes it too bloody far. To be honest, he's quite evil. It's him that doesn't like sunsets.

Falsification Ministers: Hired muscle. They work for Popper.

Relativist One: A relativist. Rather good at maths.

Relativist Two: A second relativist. Not that bright. If you ask me, Relativist One could probably do without him.

There we are. I hope that helps.